It really is a journey. No really, it is. Seriously.
I know this now, and I am seeking to embrace it – but it wasn’t always that way. In fact, it has only changed very recently.
I’ve spent the “first half” solely eyed on the prize, the destination, and I’ve mostly ignored the journey. Those who know me have heard me describe the first half as my “plate spinning” era… disconnected, driven, with a heart trying to tear its way out; seeking validation in things, people, habits; and achieving great success in those endeavors, at least by the world’s measurements.
Today, I feel like Jean Valjean at the end of “Les Miserables” when he watches as inspector Javert commits suicide into the river. Valjean then begins to walk along the banks, holding his head high, taking in the sights around him, as if for the very first time. You see, his life prior to that was not free; he was on the run from the identity that the world had given him, and he lived in constant fear of being discovered. For so many years of my life I would look up at the mountains, a lake, beautiful cityscape, and something in side would say, “but that’s not for you.”
Something changed. God showed up in a big way. I spent my entire first half installing safeguards and failsafes in my life to prevent ever descending into “the valley.” You know the valley; its that place that Jesus takes us when he really wants to get our attention. Oh he love us that much, and he took me there in the fall of 2007. It was scary, and at first I felt very alone. But He began to walk with me, and show me things that my walls were preventing me from seeing clearly. Good news is the visibility report in the valley is “severely clear”
It has been one baby step after another; and I am getting my life back. Through learning to walk with Him, to the people He has brought into my life, to the events he has orchestrated in my life, the real journey – His journey – has begun. Just like Valjean, I can now hold my head up high, take in the sights, and know that it IS for me to enjoy; it is here for me; LIFE is here for me.
This blog’s primary purpose is to gather notes and thoughts; to be a journal for me as I embark on the “second half” of the journey.
Secondarily, for whatever it is worth, I publicly share these thoughts an experiences with others, specifically with other men who are in search of a “Whole Heart” and I truly hope that my words hencefourth will encourage and inspire others, and perhaps even awaken something deep inside.
Third, if the first half was about posing, and wearing masks, the second half for me is all about openness, vulnerabilty, and transparence – and hence the name of these pages. I seek to become more transparent with each passing day, and to strip away more layers of the old self, leaving only what is real.
Last, and most certainly not least, is discussion. I hope that you won’t just read, but you will also comment. Let’s “do life” together as we learn, grow, and become, living with a whole heart.
So are you coming? It’s going to be a great ride. A whole heart is the prize, and it’s worth fighting for.
The Wild Goose is leading. C’mon, Join me… Let’s go get our lives back!